ATL somehow found himself here from Decatur, GA, and he had one of those accents like T.I. I was just patiently waiting for him to start rapping “Rubber Band Man,” but he never did. He called me shawty, which I automatically assumed was his go-to phrase for all the women he was dating at the time because it was too difficult to remember actual names. My first impression of him was that he had a playful personality, and didn’t take life more serious than necessary. I respect a little light-heartedness, so I was content with that.
Dez introduced himself to me two months before Atl. He was a member of #BigGuyTwitter, which meant he was my type times two. Plus, he was country. ? When I say country, I don’t mean deep south southern drawl. I mean he rode horses and owned more cowboy boots than sneakers. He looked like a cowboy version of Chance the Rapper. The night after I meet him, I learned that he worked at the same place as ATL in the same department. He was actually Atl’s supervisor. Fuck my life. The exact moment that I discovered this, this song starts playing in my head:
Bruh, dating is too much sometimes. I don’t even know how dudes cheat without getting caught. This shit requires strategies, and I was not ready! I wondered if they already knew and were both trying to play me. If they were both unaware, how was I supposed to tell them? I was single, unattached, and had only met them recently, so was this a big deal? I wanted to fish for information, but the timing just wasn’t right. I didn’t want to bring it up unless one of them brought it up since there were way too many uncertainties.So this is how I tell ATL. The day after I come to the realization that I’m dating two coworkers, he texts me about something, and I text him back jokingly stating that he is supposed to be working, not texting. He’s like, “I never told you I work today. How do you know?”
In the spirit of honesty, I let it be known that his coworker told me their schedules. I mean, what’s the point of lying to someone I JUST met, and don’t even know that well. A long pause occurs after I text him the truth, and I’m wondering if he and Dez are having a discussion about me while at work. Or perhaps they are both laughing and high-fiving one another about the entire situation. Finally, he responds.
My interpretation of the text’s tone was that they both already knew. He didn’t even bother to ask which coworker, but I later learned they both had no idea since Atl had recently began his employment and they didn’t discuss their personal lives at work.So ATL and I met. He’s about 50 lbs larger than I imagined, which wsn’t a big deal because I like them cuddly. (Side note: I wish members of #BigGuyTwitter would get over their sizes and realize that there are a plethora of women who adore a large man.) What was a big deal was all of the energy and excitement he held about me. It was as if I was speaking to someone with the mindset of a high school kid instead of a grown-ass 28-year old man. The next minute, I started getting hotep vibes from him. He mentioned Black Hebrew Israelites, not eating swine, and how “females” act. It was all quite condescending. The first words that came out of my mouth when I left was “not interested.” I wasted one pump of NARS foundation on this dude.
He called me later that evening, and at some point in the conversation, he straight up told me he’s lazy and doesn’t really care about money.
I’m a firm believer in the saying, “when someone tells you who they are, believe them.” I just automatically started thinking of me studying for the CPA exam while he’s sitting around doing nothing besides eating boxes of pizza in a house with no electricity because he couldn’t afford to pay his utility bill. Zero ambition in life is a total turnoff. Like, I don’t even want to be friends with a person who has that sort of approach on life. Money isn’t everything, but it’s right up their next to air and water.
He then begged me to go out with him that same night. The kicker is he wanted to see me, but his offer was to meet me in the parking lot so we could sit in the car and talk in attempts to make me his girlfriend. Sir, what? Do I look like the type of person who would go sit on the passenger side of an SUV in an empty parking lot at night to get to know someone? Furthermore, if one cannot afford to take me out on a date, no matter how inexpensive, one simply cannot afford to be in a relationship with me or anybody else. Dating is a luxury that many cannot afford.
After politely declining his offer several times (I mean, I had already gotten home and taken my bra off. It was a wrap for the night), I got off the phone with him and went to bed. He proceeded to text me multiple times between 2 am and 6 am. THE DISRESPECT! Saturdays were my only day to sleep in, and he knew it. Thank God I slept through all of the texts, but I woke up in the morning to some sort of reverse psychology. “I guess you’re not feeling me then. It’s cool.”
This guy lacked self-esteem and really didn’t know how to talk to women. Sending 15 back-to-back texts with mind games was not the way to engage with a woman, but he looked at it as showing his interest in me. I was unimpressed, and decided to remove myself from the situation before it got too much for me to handle. I texted him to say that I hoped that he finds who/what he was looking for and this just wasn’t working for me. Dude sent me nonstop text messages for 24 hours apologizing, trying to explain, asking me out, and eventually just texting as if nothing ever happened. I never responded. This went on for two months, with the messages gradually coming less and less until it stopped altogether. The ‘Don’t Disturb” button on iPhone is the best thing ever.
But Dez, though. We were having a good conversation, and he hadn’t done anything to raise any red flags, so I gave it a go. I never tell him about Atl because it was too short-lived and nothing actually happened between the two of us.
He can bring out at different side of me when we hang out, but aren’t hanging out much because he was in the midst of his busy season at work when we started communicating. I was trying to get him to come over, but it was hard to get together. My interest in him is slowly dwindling. Plus, he lived outside of the city. The conversations became less and less intriguing. So this thing with Dez and I drag on for a bit longer than I want, and I start to feel strung along. I add someone else into my rotation, and let Dez know that he’s too late, and we both go our separate ways.
I ran into Atlanta several months later, and he apologized for being so antsy when we first met, as his aunt had recently perished and he really needed to talk to someone. There was no need to apologize, but he insisted and asked for another chance. That was all in the past, but I was not trying to bring him into my future.
Tune in next month as I discuss being setup to meet a dating partner’s family.
*Names changed for privacy.