Dating Chronicles: The Coworkers

ATL*

ATL somehow found himself here from Decatur, GA, and he had one of those accents like T.I. I was just patiently waiting for him to start rapping “Rubber Band Man,” but he never did. He called me shawty, which I automatically assumed was his go-to phrase for all the women he was dating at the time because it was too difficult to remember actual names. My first impression of him was that he had a playful personality, and didn’t take life more serious than necessary. I respect a little light-heartedness, so I was content with that.

Dez*

Dez introduced himself to me two months before Atl. He was a member of #BigGuyTwitter, which meant he was my type times two. Plus, he was country. ? When I say country, I don’t mean deep south southern drawl. I mean he rode horses and owned more cowboy boots than sneakers. He looked like a cowboy version of Chance the Rapper. The night after I meet him, I learned that he worked at the same place as ATL in the same department. He was actually Atl’s supervisor. Fuck my life. The exact moment that I discovered this, this song starts playing in my head:


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Dating Chronicles: Back on the Market

Disclaimer: I’m in my 20s, which means I make bad decisions. Sometimes, I do it knowingly. Get over it.

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I’ve been single for over a year now, and savoring each moment. Happiness is getting into the middle of the bed at night, rubbing your hairy legs and crusty feet against the sheets, and not giving a single fuck. The only thing that I honestly miss about being in a relationship is having someone to take out the trash and unload groceries. Those cases of water are heavy as hell. Other than that – nope. You can keep the compromise and the communication. I’ll just be here sleeping in the middle of this comfortable bed.

Despite the fact that my underwear hasn’t matched for a year, I’m finally ready to step back into the dating world after crying my tears and giving three good years to *the Jamaican.* The only problem with that is it’s difficult to meet men in my city. I’m not a clubgoer, so I can’t randomly socialize with a guy amongst blazing music and liquor, and I don’t have strong friendships here where I could be introduced to a friend of a friend. It pretty much would have to happen when I least expected it – like while I’m trying to find the latest Walter Mosley novel in the library or standing in line at my local coffee shop.

At this point in life, I’m not looking to be tied down to a man for another 3 years to a lifetime. I’m just getting my feet wet, and seeing what type of men the world has to offer. I know I’m rusty as ever, and I don’t even think I know how to flirt anymore. I’m definitely not taking it too seriously.

Rewind to a while back when I was planning a visit to D.C. for a weekend. I had family there who would be working, and I was going to be left to myself during the day. When I mentioned it, a friend recommended a few apps that I could use to find a brunch partner or personal tour guide so that I could see all of the D.C marvels. Well, that recommendation didn’t really work in my favor, but what did happen were several inquiries from people in my city. Now, I’ve never online dated in life – not even in the Myspace days when dudes would slide in my messages. This entire thing was new to me, and I’m slightly ashamed to admit that it was intriguing to me as a novice.

The experience has been quite amusing and filled with teachable moments. I have learned that a lot of grown men really don’t know how to speak to a woman. It really isn’t that hard. All one has to do is engage in conversation and don’t be rapey, but that seems to be too much to ask for in some instances. I have also learned that the public school system has failed the American people. The Bush era’s “No Child Left Behind” was epically unsuccessful, and I thank God that I was able to slip through the cracks and receive a good education in the public school system due to the fact that I was in the gifted program. Receiving  messages that say “U is so beautiful” or “why is you single?” is just heartbreaking. Let me tell you what is attractive to me – subject-verb agreement.​What else have I learned? It’s always the dude with the crooked teeth that have grills. Grills aren’t even nice on regular people, so it certainly isn’t nice on jacked up teeth.

Let’s discuss some of the funnier dating mishaps that have occurred thus far.

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