Dating can take a toll.
I’m in my late 20s, and it seems like all of the good ones are already taken. All I am left with are bums with no ambition that live with their moms, have baby mama drama, are highly insecure, don’t have any stability, and don’t have any potential for being a quality man. Had I known that this would be the crop from which I would pick, I would have done a lot more “thot shit” in my college years.
The pickings were slim, and the crop was not even worth harvesting. It was draining to go through the motions of dating just for it to result in a waste of time and a wasted pump of NARS foundation. After the umpteenth failed date, it just all seemed to frustrating. My breaking point came in the form of Daniel*.
Daniel came out of nowhere. (Sidenote: I say this a lot about men, but it’s true. I don’t look for them, and they always see me first.) It was phantasmaghorical! He told me that he was gonna be my future bae when we had our first conversation, and I laughed at his attempt to run game. He said he was serious. I rolled my eyes at his attempt to spit game and kept it moving.
We had our first date. He was so dreamy, so handsome. so polite, so soft-spoken, such a gentleman, so swagged out, so intellectual, so mellow, such a man. I was giddy like a school girl, and couldn’t stop smiling and giggling after I got home. My cheeks were hurting from cheesing so hard.
Although I was excited about the possibilities, he scared the shit out of me.
Being vulnerable is a struggle for me. especially after wasting so much time on lames. I just didn’t know what he was doing here, how he got here, what his purpose was in my life, and how long he would be here. I was filled with so much nervous energy because of him. Everything about him was so genuine and kind and calm. I just kept thinking the worst. Something had to be wrong with him because he was too good to be true. Something bad must have been about to happen because everything was too perfect. I didn’t want to get my hopes up but I was willing to let my guard down a bit.
But things continued to go well. I was smitten by it all. Every inch of him. The way his hands touched and caressed me. The way his kiss was so passionate. The way he was so soft spoken about it all. The way he knew what he liked. He had me thinking about changing my player ways! I had three other dudes in my rotation. Seriously though, I didn’t know how he found me, but I was glad he did. I didn’t know where he came from, but I was glad he was there now. He was right on time and when I expected the least.
I have a lot of energy to put out into this world as triple fire sign (Aries sun, Sagittarius moon, Leo rising), but he gave me a bit more balance because he was mellow. He was so caring and so nurturing. He checked on me everyday when I travelled without him to Miami, and made me pray with him at the airport before I left. He was praying man! Maybe I got everything I asked for and needed in a caramel-colored package.
Fast forward a few months.
I was not ready. He set me up 😂. He came over one night with the romantic Spotify playlist, and was ready to eat the box and get cuffed. He asked to make it official. We discussed expectations in detail, and I told him I was scared. He said he understood. He explained that there would be some ups and downs, but questioned how we could appreciate the ups without the downs. I asked what he wanted and he said me. I told him I wanted respect and honesty. He said he already gives me that. True. #FutureBae turned into #PresentBae. Sealed with a kiss – on both sets of lips.
And two weeks later, I got ghosted.